


Love in a Synthetic Battlefield

by silasfinch



Series: Loving Niska S3 AU [1]
Category: Humans (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 21:02:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15373257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: 301: Astrid Recovers and Waits for the Woman She Loves.





	Love in a Synthetic Battlefield

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snappytxrtles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snappytxrtles/gifts).



> I am frustrated by the lack of Astrid POV - so I wrote a post S301 piece.  
> I'm dyslexic but I've done my best to edit - please be gentle with mistakes  
> Only seen S3E02 so this is technically alternative universe.

Love in a Synthetic Battlefield.

 

Until the rain from my eyes has ceased,

 And hold them deeply closed,

So that no-one can see your image.

 My arms enveloped you

Like delicate tendrils.

 I grew to be one with you.

Why are you tearing me away?

 

I gave you the flower

Of my body,

 

All my butterflies

I shooed into your garden.

I kept walking through grenades,

Saw the world burn 

All over with love

Through your blood.

 But now I strike the temple walls

Dull with my forehead.

 Oh you false juggler,

The rope you strung up was loose.

 

Words addressed to me feel cold,

My heart lies bare,

 

**Else Lasker-Schüler – German Poet**

 

Astrid is stunned by how violent and distructive the situation gets in matter of weeks.

 

The question of the 'anomalous' synths and the humans who are attached to them, escalates at a terrifying pace. Even though anybody should be able to see the ugliness, it is revealing about humanity. The slightest show of 'dolly sympathy' much less an 'out'  relationship is grounds for firing, family estrangement and friendship breakups. 

 

She would not consider herself sheltered or naive, but she is the product of a liberal family, in a famously liberal sector of Berlin. There is truth to the cliché that post World War II and Soviet Germans remember its societal sins well, prejudice in all forms is monitored closely to ensure that it does not reach the institutional levels of the past, complete with haunting memorials. In Astrid's experience as a part-time barista, it boils down to live and let live as a collective moto. Extremists are periodically stirring up trouble, but they never get very far in the elections or campus tours.

 

Of course, in comparison to Niska, she is a romantic fool with no concept of reality, to be fair in comparison to the British Synth even the dead philosophers she likes to read are rays of sunshine. Astrid wants to think that she balances out her 'Rainbow' nicely.

 

Or at least that was the hope before the bomb and the destruction of the bar.

 

The happiness they found together in hiding in the capitals of Europe wasn't going to last forever, even if Astrid fell in love Niska a little more with each revelation. The tensions were escalating too fast, and neither of them is the type to sit on the side lines. Not when there are actual lynching and Concentration Camps -in -all -but- name springing up all over the world. However, the bombing of the few safe havens and the resulting hostility is a brutal awaking.

 

 

She did the right thing sending Niska away, but the loneliness and nightmares make sleep impossible, a bonus because the third-degree burns on her back keep her awake anyway. Niska will go into complete communication 'back out' - even if the blond was sentimental it's too risky given Astrid is a known 'Dolly Lover' and more than a few of colleagues at the bar knew about her girlfriend.

 

Laura Hawkins family may be able to provide her with information through one of her advocacy networks, the Hawkins are some of the few humans who Niska trusts, but it won't be in the same. Niska is consciously on the fringes of her family and the more public synth collectives. In part of her choice to stay with Astrid for so long and in part because her family were not there for her when she needed them most in that horrendous brothel.

 

 Astrid is willing to fly to England (using a large chunk of her pay check) on the vague plea from a British Lawyer, to bare her soul to some scary government types, if she is prepared to be shot at and labelled a terrorist she can wait in the shadows for Niska to return to her.

 

Not to mention that terrible couch, really she deserves a medal for dealing with that slab of concrete for so long.

 

It doesn't make the mourning process any less real.

  

  1. **Denial - The Sight of Her**



 

Unlike Niska, Astrid can't rely on a perfect memory.

 

She clings to the little mementoes she has, in Niska's opinion, foolishly kept. The photos of them at various stages of their relationship selfies that her girlfriend continually calls a security risk. In fact, she lies to Niska when she says she deleted them all. Most of them of a gone now but she won't part with three. One outside the club where they first met with that bright red wig shinning under the neon lights, the second is taken by her mother (an amateur photographer) in her parents garden. The final one is close shot just after they (she) wake up. She keeps them in a flap of her wallet.

 

Heck Niska's attachment to that cheap bracelet is the likely the only reason she is still alive so she won't feel too guilty about her minor indulgences.  She never got a chance to replace the frying leather and wool with something more permanent. There are so few ways that she can display her affection and the idea of purchasing a simple band is appealing, but things go wrong before she gets the chance to visit her uncle who is a jeweller.

 

She keeps the ticket stubs from all the concerts she drags Niska too, knowing that for some reasons she finds defining beats soothing. The same is true for the Frankfurt Christmas Night Market and the Tulip Festival. It's cheesy and a trap for tourists but it’s all made bearable by Niska's sarcastic comments and flashes of tenderness.

 

However,  it is harder to hold on to the good times in the face of such oppressive circumstances.  There is no such thing as time off compassion grounds for employees with a synth loved one. She has to hear the cafe TV playing the news and that Dryden Commission almost 24/7 she to smile and the customers making crude jokes about dolly sex to get enough tips to almost survive. Niska asks so many questions about the soul and the universe, Astrid can honestly say that hers dying in this place and yet the only person who would care about such an observation left eight weeks ago.

 

So Astrid keeps working and returning to an incredibly comfortable bed that no longer feels like home. She can't even be sentimental and cling to the smell of Niska in the sheets or a stray jumper left in the closet.

 

Synths don't naturally smell, and Niska prides herself on neatness after having so little control over her life and circumstances.

 

 

  1. **Anger - The Sound of Her**



 

Astrid cries for an hour after the phone call.

 

It part she cries from the sheer relief, hearing Niska voice after all this time but mostly she is sure this will be last time they talk to each other, much less see each other. A fragmented call lasting less than three minutes does not seem fair for all they have sacrificed.

 

Astrid feels helpless in the face of such oppression. She is no stranger to activism and fighting for causes she believes in, it’s a part of life when your queer friends in the rest of Europe, especially Russia face such obstacles to fundamental human rights. The difference is right now there is no movement to join, no peace protests, no pressure on the politicians to stop the violence. If anything the 'human first movements' are gaining traction at every turn, both in Europe and Internationally.

 

She wants to have quiet discussions with the patrons of the bar about human responsibilities in the synth mess. Astrid wants to smile when she sees a nervous synth/human couple comes into the place and finds nothing but acceptance.  There should be clinics reaching out to newly awakened synths where they can learn about this confusing world that no longer makes sense. Instead, that ideal is gone up in smoke and ashes. People who are seen to support synths are traitors on the fringes of society with no rightful influence.

 

Mostly she wants to hear Niska endless stream of questions about everything from the rights of children to the meaning of life and the universe. The Brit is so intent in her desire to know everything, to improve herself.  The lack of sleep and thinking headaches is a small price to pay for the joy of such intimacy. In their year together Astrid considers her week a success if she manages to coax a reluctant smile or laugh out of her partner even if her amusement is at the expense of human weaknesses.

 

  1. **Bargaining - The Smell of Her**



 

Astrid does not have a God to pray to for Niska safety and eventual return.

 

Her parents are theoretically Catholic, but the family mainly go to services to please both sets of grandparents, who are observant. She stopped regularly going once the stance of LGBT rights and became painfully clear in her teens.

 

Besides what deity would look out for the lives of conscious synths? They are by the very definition of the term a human invention. There is no supernatural force willing to look out for them, in this life or the next.

 

Astrid finds herself becoming painfully hopeful though. If there is a break the reported fighting for over a day, that means things are settling down.  If there is no news about the 'Railway Compound.' then that means Niska's family is safe and the advocacy of Laura Hawkins is finally paying off. If there is a pro- synth article on the Guardian Website things must be turning in their favour. 

 

She needs a tiny shred of hope that Niska will keep her word and come home.

 

Is that too much to ask for her birthday?

 

Her new friends at work drag her to the movies to see a forgettable romantic comedy, teasing her about needing to be surgically detached from her phone. There is no excuse not to go; she is no longer a priority in this war, and it's better to go out for the night than have the well-meaning group stage an intervention. For a little while, she almost feels better, until somebody makes a joke about taking an 'orange eyes' for a test drive because surely they have the adult override too.

 

She makes excuses after that.

 

There is a package sitting outside her apartment, she is expecting a package from her mother, but she still moves carefully, in case one of the terrorist groups found the new place. You can never be too careful, not when it comes to hatred of the green eyes.

 

Instead of the clothes, she is expecting there is a stack of German Philosophy books, many of which she hasn't seen since childhood and her brother went through the angst phase, some of them look to be out of print editions.

 

There is a card in each book - a code written in different handwriting.  Niska taught her the basics of a cypher on a whim one day, insisting that it is a useful skill and even humans can master it with enough practice. She isn't the best student, but the words come easy one she knows the key.

 

"I love you'

 

"You give my life meaning"

 

"If I can I will return"

 

Finally, she does have a scent to associate with Niska.

 

Old Books.

 

  1. **Depression and Despair- The Touch of Her**



 

She wasn't lying to Niska when she said it was obvious somebody had hurt her. There is a stark difference between somebody who has a never touched a woman sexually, and somebody who positive their partner is just waiting to beat them. It took them several times to reach anything approaching a natural rhythm. Astrid spends many hours whispering words of encouragement and softness, trying not to cry when Niska recounts her experiences to date.

 

The flatter her voice goes, the more horrific the details.

 

A blond synth with green eyes walks out of a brothel and Astrid has a panic attack.

 

In desperation, Astrid calls Laura Hawkins barely able to speak through sobs. To her surprise, she is part of the group getting an updated version of the lawyer's cell phone, which the British woman needs to change almost weekly. The bartender can't imagine the list being very long after the latest rounds of attacks. Astrid will be forever grateful to Laura, but she didn't think they would reconnect any time soon.

 

She needs somebody to listen.

 

Her parents are getting impatient with her dark moods, and they are furious when she refuses to make the trip back to her nephew's christening.  Of course, to them all their youngest daughter is doing is being selfish after a particularly bad breakup. There is no need for alarm or overt sympathy.  Astrid is too tired of lying to think up a justification for her despair and choices to switch off her phone instead. It's not like Niska is likely to call.

 

It's almost surprising when Laura agrees to pick her up and drives her to a strange house that isn't like the one Niska describes. She silently hands Astrid a box of tissues and coaches her to breathe, a born mother no matter what the circumstances. 

 

"I'm sorry" she whispers hoarsely when she sees the youngest Hawkins and Niska's playmate in the backseat.  The child seems unconcerned by the strange woman sobbing in her car, which may not be a stretch given her mother's occupation.

 

"You are Niska's friend aren't you?" Sophie's seems happy to make the connection. "Are you sad because you miss her?"

 

"Soph" Laura warns "Sorry I just picked her up from her Dad's in 1954 when you called"

 

Astrid is charmed to hear somebody else speak so enthusiastically about the blond synth. It makes a change from everything else she overhears these days.

 

"I miss her very much" she confides to the child

 

"Mummy will make things better you'll see. Mummy and Mattie can do anything. Dad too, when he is not being silly and talking about the types of tomatoes."

 

In the house after Sophie shows off her room and chats about Niska for awhile the two woman sit and drink when while Laura studiously ignores all but a specific ringtone.

 

"If anybody can survive this, it's your Niska, and she wants more than anything to return to you. There are few with scientific proof of how much their partner loves them" Laura says there is a distant look in her eye as if she is talking about something else entirely.

 

 

  1. **Acceptance - The Taste of Her**



 

Astrid does not understand what happens in the end.

 

From the damage inflicted on the person, she loves the most. She doesn't want to beyond how she can help. Astrid did not take computer science or synth introduction courses beyond the necessary level at school, and even then she barely passed.  The science of the explanation goes well over her head when commentators repeat the terms over and over again.

 

All she knows that Niska shows up at her down in a locked-in state, unwilling or unable to talk. At first, she thinks the blond is running low on power, but Niska backs away from the charger, staring blankly out the window. 

 

"Mia is dead, and I'm the leader of the people. All I wanted to do is come back to you, be selfish for just a little bit longer.  Retreat into my happiness as Little Brother would say"

 

"Oh, Niska I'm sorry about your sister."

 

"She was the one with all the skills and talent. The people need her, not me."

 

Astrid tugs her into a hug before shifting so Niska's head is in her lap. The synth is far stronger than her human lover and could have resisted, but she didn't, a metaphor for their whole relationship.  The weight is familiar and comforting Astrid's blinks back tears as she tries to calm in the only way she knows how, by being the only person whose's only agenda, only demand is to make Niska happy and safe.

 

"You are brave, and I love you."

 

Astrid means for the kiss she offers as a simple gesture, but Niska turns and captures her lips fully, deepening the connections, bringing their limbs together in a messy heap, fortunately on a much better coach.  Niska tastes of tears and peppermint, probably some synth detection ploy.

 

"Are you sure about this?"

 

"You'll know when I'm not."

 

They move towards the bed without much grace, and Astrid painfully stubs her toe. An inpatient Niska carries her the rest of the way, refusing to let break the kiss for such mirror details. The British woman seems determined to make up for every night they spent apart and kisses every piece of skin she can reach.

 

 Hours later  Astrid wakes from a light slumber to the familiar sensation of Niska watching her sleep without making a sound, having given up the pretence of breathing, before Niska can tease her about human stamina and suggest a midnight round three Astrid rolls to the side and pulls a forgotten gift from the draw.

 

"For you" she offers with a smile.

 

Niska opens the package and blinks at the contents.

 

Astrid spent hours getting the bracelet right, Niska would never wear anything overly complicated or sentimental. She is also so pale that some colours look better than others. Her uncle makes suggestions; he laughs ay her apparent infatuation.

 

"I can make a ring just as beautiful for your fussy Brit, Schnucki. Why don't you ask her to marry you instead?"  using the childhood nickname she rarely hears anymore.

 

"Maybe one day."

 

The final product is not much different from the one she gave away long ago, a mixture of leather, silver and copper that sits unobtrusively on the wrist. Her uncle embraces technology and uses a sophisticated blending technique that makes peace almost indestructible. To Astrid's private amusement the method has the added advantage of reflecting a rainbow if it catches the light in just the right way.

 

"This means you are mine now."

 

"I already was without condensing metals for me" Niska cannot hide her smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
